The challenge in saying it “nice”

Okay, so saying it nice can be a challenge based on some of the feedback I received from friends.  Why? Well sometimes we get tired of saying it nice all of the time.  And why do we get tired? We get tired of being nice simply because being nice doesn’t always get our needs met.  Back to the subject of spouses, how many of you have asked your spouse to not do something, “nicely,” only to discover that they do that same thing again within a matter of days or even minutes.

How does that make you feel? Unheard, insignificant, disappointed, or even angry all at the same time.

Your reaction to those feelings… typically you say whatever it was again just not so “nice,” hmmm.  How many times can YOU say it nice before it comes out not so nice? And is your tolerance higher depending on the relationship and the relational investment?

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Thank goodness my words are not being recorded…

Have you ever taken a moment to think what it would be like to have someone follow you around all day every day recording your every word and facial expression?  What would people see that you would never want them to see? What would they hear? Most importantly what would you be able to go back and hear and see yourself do?  Would it be something that would make you cringe??  I think most of us would have to unfortunately respond with the title of this entry, “Thank goodness my words are not being recorded.”

As I began researching the above questions for my client’s and myself I realized it is only human nature that causes us to be so “free” and let’s face it “mean” to those closest to us.  I am sure you have heard the notion that we give those closest to us our worst.  In particular, this made me think about how we use to speak to our spouses when we were dating and how we speak to them now after 3 years, 5 years, 8 years, 16 years and so on of marriage.  Remember when you would call your husband and say, “Hi, honey I miss you…what time do you think you’ll be home?” Now on a good day he get’s no greeting, just straight no chaser, “Where are you? and What time are you going to be home?” What happened to the affirmation sprinkled with love?  What happened to the shear civility in communication that we are quick to offer up to a friend or even a complete stranger? 

Share how your communication with your spouse has changed for the better or worse over time…